Phew, reader. Now that I've gotten over the intimidation of the second post it feels easier to share my journey along the spiritual path. Please help me come up with a less eye-rolling phrase for this, for I wish to never utter it again. Thank you.
I recently heard Joseph Goldstein speak. In fancy Buddhist language, that's a dharma talk, which I believe just means a chat about the teaching of the Buddha. Though I am very new to the world of meditation and Buddhism I gather from his introduction that Goldstein is Kind of a Big Deal.
During the Q&A, someone asked Goldstein to reflect back upon the start of his meditation practice and share something he would want beginning meditators to know. He replied something like, meditation was less about big realizations and more about the "fading away of various delusions."
Delusion is kind of a strong word, yes? Delusional people believe all sorts of loony things: that other people are controlling their thoughts, that they are the Queen of Persia, that messages are being relayed to them via swirls in their peanut butter. Delusional people are not in touch with reality and everyone knows it.
And yet expectations can also be a form of delusion. Expectations set up an alternate universe in your head where events unfold the way you believe they should, which is not always (or ever) the way they actually did or do unfold.
For example:
The cat should clean his bottom after using the litter box and shouldn't sit on my clean pillowcase with his poopy behind.
When I open my cupboard, I shouldn't be beaned by a bag of rice.
It should be warm and sunny in August, not freezing and foggy.
If someone hits your parked car, they should leave you a note.
If you make healthy decisions, you will lead a long and healthy life.
Parents shouldn't outlive their children.
The failure of reality to meet even the smallest of expectations can really throw you for a loop--prompt a big ol' temper tantrum of anger and betrayal. How DARE that cat poopify my clean sheets? How DARE that bag of rice attack my head! Letting go of those kinds of expectations or delusions can be a relief--ah, I don't have to flip out about this because I actually don't control the cat or the bag of rice nor are the cat and the bag of rice conspiring against me.
The bigger expectations, well. Those are harder, aren't they? But the same still holds true. An expectation, however big or small, is the past or the future, or a story or a fantasy, or an untruth. An expectation isn't what's actually happening. And it's what's actually happening that you need to live with.
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